My Ramblings on the DSI Conference for New Parents in Dublin

A year ago on Sunday I posted on a forum about my 9 day old son who has Downs Syndrome to say that I was a mess is an understatement, I was going to post it here but when I went back in just now to read it I found it so upsetting so I'll leave it in the past where it belongs. Now I just feel so different to the way I felt then I can't believe it .........

• Some of it was down to time.
• Some of it was because I allowed myself to grieve in my way and my time
• Some of it was support

......but most of it was down to the wonderful people in Down Syndrome Ireland who held a Conference for New Parents in Malahide the week before Adam's Birthday. I can't say it was any one thing at the conference that changed things for me so completely but the whole experience. I came back from the conference feeling so different.

I had a desperate need to see the bigger picture. I wanted to know everything was worried about everything to do with Adam's future. I was panic stricken over whether or not to send Adam to mainstream school because I didn't want him to be the only different child in the school. I had all of these kinds of worries that people with children without Down Syndrome couldn't understand, I desperately tried to talk to people about how I felt and couldn't get anyone to undersand so I felt like I had a knot inside with all of the things that I couldn't say. I got to say it all to the wonderful other parents who where at the conference and I finally felt that I got rid of the knot that was getting bigger inside me.

I never normally write things down but that weekend I couldn't stop writing it was all things that came to me during my time there. But some of the things I wrote in my diary over that weekend and in the 2 weeks since I came back........

• Allow Down Syndrome to be part of my life, I don't have to like the DS but recognise it as something that is there, if I embrace it, it becomes easier to accept it
• Trust my own Judgement. Accept help.
• May Gannon has given me the knowledge to do this, the strength to do this, the hope to do this.
• I felt like I no longer belonged anywhere and was searching constantly for some place to belong when I got home from the weekend I walked into my home and like a lightbulb dinged and I said out loud 'this is where I belong' it meant nothing to anyone else but was a hugh deal for me.
• Don't worry about mainstream school.
• Guilt is a natural emotion but not resourceful
• I am the expert in Adam's life.
• Don't be afraid to keep repeating yourself to make yourself heard.
• Believe in yourself
• Remember to take care of yourself
• Don't give him the 'God help him' complex (Guilty of this already)
• It's okay to have expectations (I was the opposite)

Finally I sat down and wrote how I felt the night when I got home .........

..................Weekend was wonderful. Right now I feel so at peace with myself as Adam's Mother. I am not worried now about the future for and with Adam. I can now settle into life as Adam's mother knowing that I am doing a good job, nobody knows Adam or what's best for him over me. I have strength confidence and the ability to do this.